I am kinda pissed at my dad right now. So I am gonna rant.

My dad has decided that he is not going to pay for anything for me anymore. It isn't really a surprise, he's been slowly cycling things out since I was, like, 16. But he won't help me with a car (yet he is constantly getting on me to learn to drive so I don't need rides anymore, but he has specifically told me I will not be allowed to drive his car).

He won't help me with college - it is a luxury. He has pretty much said flat out that I don't need to go to college to make a living, and that as a female I should stay home, make babies, and take care of my family anyway. He thinks college is a waste of time and money and asks me every few weeks if I plan on graduating soon.

He won't help me with medical bills - I don't need it. He has on several occasions told me he thinks I am either faking it or simply worrying over stupid shit and not actually sick. He doesn't think I need any of my prescriptions (down to just birth control and anti-convulsants, and I may have to quit the birth control which means more doctors visits since it is a treatment for my PCOS), and thinks my trips to the doctors have been wastes. So he won't help me with my medical bills. My ER visit a few weeks ago was almost $6,000 - I make MINIMUM WAGE and I work PART TIME.

He said he would pay for small necessities for me - shampoo, deodorant, pads and pantiliners, etc. but today he told me that I had a job and I could buy my own pads if I needed them. Which means he is now buying just food for me, and 99% of the time it is food that makes me ill because we can't afford the diet the doctors said I am supposed be following. I don't know what he expects me to do without pads....use the leaves from a tree? Go back to the stone age and shove a stick up there? Honestly, that sounds very uncomfortable and I'd rather go to a medicine hut and be whipped every day I bleed to beat the devil out of me, since apparently my dad MUST believe I am faking menstruation, too. He should be GLAD I bleed every month (if I take birth control, 2-4 times a year if I don't) - it means I am not popping out illegitimate grandchildren! Although getting pregnant WOULD solve that whole bleeding problem.

I had wanted to save up to take my work clothes to a tailor. My pants are too long and my shirts too wide (damned height and bust size). But if what little money I occasionally see from my paychecks can no longer go into savings, and instead actually has to go towards keeping me clean, I can't do that. I really don't want to quit - I love my job. And I don't want a second job, especially not with taking about 18 credit hours next quarter. I need all the time I can to work on homework and study. I get easily overwhelmed and I need the time off - especially with all the stress of my dad being here causes, and with the added stress of my brother coming home. I need to apply for disability, but that would require more doctors visits since I could never afford a doctor long enough to actually get a firm diagnosis - my OB-Gyn removed my appendix, my gastroenterologist said I had fibromyalgia, my neurologist is treating my bipolar, and my family practitioner is treating my epilepsy!

I need to get the hell out of here.

My brother is missing.

From what I understand, a few weeks away from graduating from the Halfway House he was kicked out for being too anti-social. He didn't want to be friends with drug addicts and alcoholics, people he was SUPPOSED to stay away from, and he got kicked out of the rehabilitation program. Instead of coming home, he went by himself or with a friend. Probably with Jake and Matt. He's a little in love with Jake. Who's to blame him? The cops have been after him like it's some kind of conspiracy, accusing him of things he didn't do, showing up just to make sure he's home, searching the house, searching OUTSIDE the house, stopping my dads car while my dad is driving just because my brother has been known to drive. They are fucking AFTER him. And his family? His dad kicked him out, his life causes his mom to get sicker, and he envies his sister for having a stable relationship and going to college -- his dreams. Jake was there for him whenever he needed him, and that makes him forget the bad Jake has done, and he loves him for it. He may not even realize it himself. If Matt and Jake tried to convince him that they'd take better care of him than his family or the government, I don't blame him for believing them.

The police are repeatedly accusing me of lying about not knowing where he is. And you know what? Even if I DID know I wouldn't tell them. Not this time. He could be hurt too much this time, it isn't county jail. They'd send him to prison in Lincoln. My brother is slender, pretty, thick blonde hair, blue eyes. They would love him there. He would be RAPED. And I know how much that hurts. And I know how much the La Vista police don't give a damn about rape charges. They probably want my brother to be hurt that way. So I don't care if I get charged with abetting a criminal, if I knew where Shawn was, I probably wouldn't tell.

The police are fucking idiots if they can't find him anyway. If they come to me one more time, I am slamming the door in their damned faces. I don't need to do their jobs for them.

This is more a case of kidnapping than fleeing the law, but they don't give a damn. I bet they'd give child kidnappers a fucking present (see picture below). That's how incompetent the La Vista police are.

I never understood how my friends could hate the police so much until today.

Fucking cops.

Fucking PIGS.